A first date doesn’t have to be a big production. Good food, a conversation you want to keep having, and someone you’re curious about can be plenty. What matters is whether you both enjoy being there.
Of course, the date in your head and the one that actually happens may look a little different. You might click right away, or have a pleasant evening without much chemistry. Either way, a few thoughtful choices beforehand can help you feel more at ease and give you room to get to know each other.
Start with the right person
Before saying yes, ask yourself whether you actually want to spend time with this person. Being lonely or having an empty Friday night isn’t much of a reason on its own.
You don’t need to know where things are going. A little interest and a wish to know them better are enough. But if you’d honestly rather stay home and watch a movie, there’s no need to force a date you’re already dreading.
Make the plan together
Sort out where you’re going before the day arrives. Your idea of fun might be a museum; theirs might be bungee jumping. It’s better to discover that while making plans than when you’re on your way.
Suggest a couple of options and see what appeals to you both. An arcade, a meal, or somewhere quiet to talk could all work. Agreeing on the plan gives you one less thing to worry about when you meet.
Pick an activity that feels natural
A first date is enough of a new experience without adding an activity you find overwhelming. If your favorite evenings involve a couch and a good movie, you don’t have to agree to a camping trip to seem adventurous.
Trying something new can be fun when you’re interested in doing it. But there’s a difference between a few excited nerves and wishing you were anywhere else. Choose something that leaves you enough energy to enjoy the company, rather than spending the whole date trying to get comfortable.
Choose your best time of day
Think about when you tend to feel like talking. If you come alive in the evening, a later date may suit you. If you’re fading by dinner, an afternoon meeting could be a much better fit.
Pick a time that works for you both and lets you show up with some energy. Getting to know someone is easier when you’re not fighting to stay awake.
Dress for confidence, not discomfort
Wear something you like being in. An outfit that needs constant adjusting can keep pulling your attention away from the person across the table.
That goes for shoes, too. If heels leave you wobbling or watching every step, wear flats or sandals. You can look good and feel comfortable; you don’t need to spend the evening tolerating your clothes.
Keep the basic manners in place
A casual date still calls for a little consideration:
- Be on time. If you’re running late, let your date know and apologize when you arrive.
- Give them a chance before making snap judgments. You’re getting to know a person, not interviewing a candidate.
- Leave room for both of you in the conversation. Ask questions, listen to the answers, and share something about yourself, too.
- Notice how they’re doing. The plan should be enjoyable for both people.
Give yourself permission to enjoy it
You don’t have to turn a first date into a perfect evening or decide whether you’ve found your future partner. Stay curious, let the conversation wander a little, and see how you feel in each other’s company.
And if you aren’t enjoying yourself, you can politely call it a night. You don’t owe anyone a longer date just because you agreed to meet. A considerate goodbye is enough.